Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
(Narrator: Midnight? Maybe try shorter shows for a change.)
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’all’s neighborhood
(Especially if your Halloween handout is devoid of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, 100 Grand bars, or blue Tootsie Rolls.)
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
(Not to be confused with Beowulf Minshew Jr. the Third or Philip Rivers, both of whom have outstanding mustaches and clearly possess the soul for getting down.)
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell
(Speaking of Joe Flacco, should you actually consider picking up Brandon Allen or Ryan Finley?)
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
(That’s 400 centuries of fantasy football wisdom, brought down from the mountains by Bo who tells us: know your league’s trade deadline)
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to share your doom
(No, it’s just Sam Darnold; he’s in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass!)
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
(That’s just a natural reaction to the high ABV content of Hoppin Frog Toris the Tyrant, a splendid Russian Imperial Stout.)
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of… Anthony Miller.
(Ha-Ha… Clinton-Dix. It’s his quarterback that elicits maniacal laughter.)
Week 9 presented Tres Amigos de Futbol la Fantasia Fiesta with an opportunity to get scary on Halloween Eve, and they took full advantage. In addition to the usual regrets (why did we leave 2V’s mic open when talking about Robert Kraft and Younghoe Koo?), bulletins from the Channel SKOR news desk, and a 50/50 lineup that 60 percent of the time works every time, tantric listeners (we hear Sting is a big fan) will learn:
Magsh built a horrifyingly Dolphin-stocked 50/50 lineup and once wore a Freddie Krueger shirt to Winter Park, scaring straight Paul Edinger’s kicking style;
Bo pre-regretted starting Lamar Jackson against the Patriots this week and dispensed costume advice guaranteed to make your Halloween party-going more functional and comfortable;
And 2V took a victory lap after nailing Dan Bailey as the NFL’s Special Teams Player of the Week before tossing back an Indeed Danzig, prompting him to break into “Mother” in his best Glenn Danzig voice randomly throughout the show.
Number 9? Number 9? Number 9? It’s a revolution of a podcast, one we like to call the Fantasy Football Party, and it’s perfect listening when you’re ignoring the doorbell while taking down all three bags of full-sized Snickers.
Follow the show on Twitter @TheFFParty and its co-hosts @MplsMaggio, @Bo_Mitchell, and @jtuvey
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